What Sucks the Most

(Section 7 of Part 4 – My Final Days)

The thing that sucks the most about this whole thing is the fact that my friends (or former friends) can’t know the whole truth about it.  It’s a big ARC Break and it is prevented from being handled because they are prevented from, and they are preventing themselves from, getting my side of the story and actually making sense out of the whole thing.  They are being enforced into too much mystery.  I don’t think it’s right.  Why can’t they know?  They are perfectly capable of taking in data and judging it for themselves. But no, they are told that information is dangerous and they would not be able to be self-determined about it if they informed themselves of it.

People have a right to know and they have a responsibility to judge and evaluate data.  To take that away from them is a crime.  To allow it to be taken away from you is to deny yourself of your abilities.  It’s not a good thing.

And that’s why I decided to tell my side of the story.  It’s available to anyone who wants to read it.  I want people to understand.  So if you read this and you know of someone who can benefit from reading it (and you can get them to see that they are free to know things and evaluate information for themselves), please get them to read this.  It won’t hurt them.

Next…A Declare Order?

6 thoughts on “What Sucks the Most

  1. Your humble servant says:

    I understand what you are saying. To me the thing that kind of “sucks the most” is that a noble person, an honest person, a caring person who gave decades of his life for a good cause that he believed in, who did his best to do a good job and to help others, and who did help others, is reviled and cast aside like a meaningless piece of dirt whose life and dedication means nothing. Your good works are not being acknowledged by the group that you helped. Please permit me to acknowledge them now.

  2. The Oracle says:

    You have a right to make yourself known. This is your planet too. You have a right to be here and communicate.

    Max Ehrmann


    Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
    and remember what peace there may be in silence.
    As far as possible without surrender
    be on good terms with all persons.
    Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
    and listen to others,
    even the dull and the ignorant;
    they too have their story.
    Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
    they are vexations to the spirit.
    If you compare yourself with others,
    you may become vain and bitter;
    for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
    Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
    Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
    it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
    Exercise caution in your business affairs;
    for the world is full of trickery.
    But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
    many persons strive for high ideals;
    and everywhere life is full of heroism.
    Be yourself.
    Especially, do not feign affection.
    Neither be cynical about love;
    for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
    it is as perennial as the grass.
    Take kindly the counsel of the years,
    gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
    Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
    But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
    Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
    Beyond a wholesome discipline,
    be gentle with yourself.
    You are a child of the universe,
    no less than the trees and the stars;
    you have a right to be here.
    And whether or not it is clear to you,
    no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
    Therefore be at peace with God,
    whatever you conceive Him to be,
    and whatever your labors and aspirations,
    in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
    it is still a beautiful world.
    Be cheerful.
    Strive to be happy.
    Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.

  3. Seeker says:

    Why can’t they know?

    Simple answer – mind control

  4. LTC Forever says:

    I definitely had a big ARC break when the whole concept of trying to prevent me from looking for my own good was brought up to me. There are many negative implications that immediately come out of it:

    – Implying that I am not intelligent enough to make my own evaluations on any data that is presented to me. This point became even more pronounced when I did the Basic Study Manual and the “Power of Choice” drill. “You gave me the tool, but I’m not allowed to use it on my own self-determinism? Hello!”

    – Are you telling me that you a group who is professing to clear the entire planet (not a small Amish village), who is sitting on technology to handle hardcore engrams and whole track implants – charged volumes of some real “entheta” – you mean to tell me that you are disturbed and stopped simply by some data on the Internet that any kid with Internet access can be looking at?

    – As I continued to study Scientology basics then came this: how can I ever reach a state of being “Cause Over Life” in an organization that expects to dictate to me what I should be effected by? It creates an obvious contradiction. Naturally on my way to “full cause” I would have to disagree to agree with being effect or potential effect of “SP’s,” Black PR, “entheta,” etc. No? Therefore, isn’t it safe to say that there are no real “OT’s” still at the Church of Scientology, and given its current condition this organization can never even produce one? That’s how I felt. I felt I was basically forced into disagreement in order to stay cause. How can many other people stay in this organization and not see this contradiction especially given all the logic about “cause and effect” from the studies is really hard for me to comprehend. What is everybody really doing at the “Church of Scientology?” There is no Scientology, and there are no Scientologist there judging from even the most basic tenets of Scientology theory and practice. Isn’t it Scientologist is the one who applies Scientology to better conditions? Where is application of Scientology? Where are the bettering conditions?

    – At one point down the road I also began to realize that there are policies in existence by which everything should be governed. I have not seen a single policy where LRH said not to look at “Black PR,” “entheta” or anything else along these lines.

    So this whole thing about “not looking” seems to me like the most basic breakdown of the most fundamental principle in Scientology practice. If everyone was free to look, we would probably not even have the problem we are having now, and the truth is that we are free to look!

    And so I picked a screen name in sign of protest to this false practice at the Church: LTC (Look-Think-Communicate) Forever.

  5. Steve says:

    This suppression of information is akin to the Pythagoreans suppression of irrational numbers. I feel bad for the Scientologists I know who have been betrayed so thoroughly by the organization they bestowed unquestionable trust.

    My whole purpose for coming to this site was to find out why an Auditor I once knew quite well was retraining; she had recently announced completion of GAT2 level 0 on Facebook. I, having been out of the loop for many years, didn’t know about GAT2 or why she would need to retrain. After having found this and other similar resources online I was shocked to learn about what is going on in the church. I now have so many questions that I want to ask people very close to me, even my parents.

  6. davefagen says:


    Thank you. I am always open to conversation in my blog email, davefagenblog@hushmail.com. Sometimes it may take a little while for me to respond but I always do respond.


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