Section 3 of Part 5 – Some Things I Have to Say About This
Dave, you still had to have someone else bring it up to you before you even considered that you should leave the church. You didn’t bring it up on your own, therefore you had to be influenced by someone else.
Yes that’s true. Although Sindy did not decide for me or coerce me to decide a certain way or try to threaten me (though she did give me her viewpoint of the corruption in the church in no uncertain terms) it is true that if not for her, I would not have, at least at that time period, even considered that I should leave the church. I did have to have someone bring it to my attention emphatically because I was not looking and thinking for myself to the degree necessary to see the truth behind all of this.
And that’s something I’ll have to live with. I’ll never be able to say, like Sindy is able to say, that I was the one who originated this whole thing without anyone having to point it out to me so that I would actually look.
I should have seen for myself that I should have pulled the strings. I noticed all the outpoints but I went reasonable for many years, thanks in no small part to my believing COB’s lies about how wonderfully everything was expanding and how ethical an organization I was part of.
I should have known better because the evidence was all sitting out there in front of me. I should have known that the Ideal Org program was squirrel. I should have seen that the lack of auditors being made was completely contrary to the only reason orgs exist in the first place. I should have seen that the constant emphasis on fund raising, a totally off-policy action, had become the church’s primary purpose rather than delivering the tech.
When 95% of the staff were taken off their posts for days or weeks at a time in order to raise money, I should have noticed that elephant in the room.
I had done the entire OEC Volume 4 course and didn’t even see the outpoint in the fact that the upper management of the church was introducing and prioritizing pure theory courses in the Div 4 Academy, and we were all getting easy stat-push completions such as taking a Way to Happiness question-and-answer course which takes a matter of hours to complete, and counting them on the Paid Completions stat as equivalent to half an auditor training level, and thinking we were increasing the viability of the org.
Why didn’t I ask questions about management when it had taken over 12 years (now over 14 and still counting) since the Super Power building construction started, to release Super Power, which is supposed to be the most important release in all of Scientology as it is said to be the thing that makes it possible to clear the planet? Why did I just go on thinking “COB and management must have a really good reason”? There is no way that the release of Super Power could possibly take anywhere near this long if there actually was an intention from a well-intentioned, competent manager to have it released, especially while the money was continuing to be raised for it.
Why did I keep on justifying that things were supposedly going so fantastically in Kazakhstan but for years in our org, we could barely ever get more than 100 people on service in one week, we couldn’t get more than three auditors in our HGC, we only made one auditor in four-and-a-half years and I knew of no other Class V org that was doing notably better than that and some that were doing worse?
Why did we have the same Inspector General Network Programs for years, none of which were getting done in our org or any other org that I knew of, and nobody ever realized that it could be because they were the wrong programs for the conditions that the orgs were in, and they kept on getting pushed at certain intervals, to little avail.
I remember two instances where Flag trainees, training to be tech terminals on staff for their local orgs (one of them training to be an auditor and one of them training to be a C/S) suddenly got their training completed when their orgs were supposed to open up their new buildings and become an “Ideal Org” soon. Why was this one C/S trainee, after being on his C/S internship for months or possibly over a year along with 8 to 10 other C/S trainees interning for similar amounts of time, suddenly qualified to graduate his C/S internship? Why was this auditor trainee, who was one of the slowest-moving students I had ever seen on his auditor training program (he took over two years to complete TRs, metering and the Briefing Course), suddenly able to complete his Class VI Internship in three weeks, when others were on their internships for over a year? Did these guys just magically, one become a flubless auditor and the other a flubless C/S while the others (not members of soon-to-be “Ideal Orgs”) somehow couldn’t make the grade for months or years? If they could get these two “Ideal Org” guys to suddenly be a flubless C/S and a flubless auditor in such short amounts of time, why couldn’t they do that for all the trainees? Or conversely, if they couldn’t do that for all the other trainees, did they really accomplish the ability to C/S and audit flublessly in those two other guys? Why didn’t I see this discrepancy then?
Why did I not question why management insisted on taking practically every last dollar from the public, making it harder and harder to get trained? How many of my potential students were just so busy working just to make ends meet, so that they could not learn the tech and achieve the only purpose for the existence of orgs? I had one student in tears because he was almost completely out of money, and though he was having wins on his pure-theory “Academy course”, he did not return to the courseroom again after finishing the course he was on at the time.
Whatever happened to the Esto system? Why was it such a low priority that staff get hatted and become professional, and why did it remain okay for the majority of staff to continue to be amateur volunteers on their posts? Why didn’t that great master of LRH policy, David Miscavige, recognize the importance of this factor like I did, and why did I not question his prioritizing IAS donations and booksales by taking 90% of the staff off their actual hats to get them to make these outrageous sales and donations quotas?
I could go on, but the point is that I should have taken the real responsibility to see what was really going on. But now, there is a far lesser chance that I could ever be fooled to that degree again.