I am doing well in life.  I use a lot of the basic Scientology principles in my everyday affairs and things are improving.  I am very happy and relieved to be out of the grip of the church because now I can do the things that I judge for myself to be the most survival at any given moment.  It is easier to apply the conditions to my life because I can do what is right for me and my dynamics without any arbitraries.

As I said before, I hope that soon, if you were my friend before, that you can be my friend once again.  All I ask would be for you to be determined that you are going to duplicate and understand my entire viewpoint and grant me the beingness that I deserve.  I know I will do the same for you.  My communication line is always open to any sincere, respectful reach.

Thank you for reading this. Now you know my side of the story.

37 thoughts on “Conclusion

  1. Carol says:

    The entire blog is Awesome! VWD ! May your lives be filled with love and laughter.

  2. Poet13c says:

    Great blog, Dave, I really like it.
    May I link you to my own site, please?

  3. Dave,
    Congratulations on your thorough analysis and your eventual decision to leave the Church of Miscavige. You will be a huge asset to the independent field if and when you decide to become a supervisor again.

    There is a HUGE shortage of auditors in the field and though we are working long hours, we are barely scratching the surface of the huge backlog of invalidated clears that exist. I have been told by good authority that there are in excess of 40,000 unacknowledged clears at this point. There is no way that we independent auditors are going to reduce that number without help.

    The field really needs trained course supervisors who are prepared to deliver services to would-be auditors. There is a way to reach out to students who do not live in your immediate area and I will be happy to discuss it with you if you are interested.

    Thank you for reading our blog and mentioning that in your website. We created it just for the purpose of helping people make the transition from indoctrinated staff member or public to a truly free being again.

    I also urge you to take advantage of the superb auditing that exists in the field to handle any BPC that remains about your church experiences. It is difficult to comprehend the effects of years of invalidation and eval when you first leave the church. The experience usually leaves one with a “Scientology Valence” that takes years to overcome even though one returns to “normal” life.

    If there is anything I can do to support you in your post-church career, please let me know.

    David St Lawrence

  4. Dave,

    Thank you so much for doing this. Start to finish, this is an amazing story and an excellent evaluation — you lay it all out for anyone who is willing to look.

    I second what David St. Lawrence wrote about the need for trained course supervisors and about the high quality and standardness of auditing in the independent field.

    I hope you’ll consider me a friend. Thanks again.

  5. davefagen says:

    I do. Thank you very much.


  6. davefagen says:


    I read your blog often and it was especially helpful in the beginning. One thing I like about it is that you do confront some of the less pleasant accounts and stories about the history of the church and LRH, while at the same time you can see the value in the tech and its workability, without compromising in either direction. I think that’s very important to be able to do both.

    I will be getting in touch with you about the prospect of tech delivery in my future and all the circumstances surrounding it.


  7. davefagen says:

    Thank you. I will check out your sight as soon as some of my traffic regarding my new blog dies down a bit. Much appreciated.


  8. davefagen says:

    Thank you Carol.

  9. Looking 4 Myself says:

    Wow Dave,what can I say. You really did your homework!
    Very well rounded and concise.It must have taken you a long time to put this together from rough draft to finished product. I am very impressed with this write up.
    I hope you and Sindy are very happy with the extra time you now have to spend together. Wishing you both the best always.
    Bill Moore

  10. davefagen says:

    Thank you Bill. Hope to see you soon.

  11. Califa says:

    This is a beautifully written blog. Your writing style is honest and direct and clearly presents your progression from simply questioning and looking to full awareness of the present situation in the CofS. You’ve done this with high ARC, without rancor. I really compliment you on all the work that must have gone into this. Your blog will be the first place I’ll suggest to anyone I think is ready to open their eyes. Thank you.

  12. davefagen says:

    Thank you so much.


  13. EXSOAOLA says:

    I used to be over clear recoveries in the SO. We printed a list of about 12,000 clears that were in the field stuck between clear and the OT levels so your 40,000 number is way off. That being said there are a lot of clears that were given non clear R factors and they had attested to clear. What an invalidation.

  14. Crusader says:

    Damn dude! Just finished reading every word. Quite a service you have done here. I hope your side of the story will help some of your former comrades like Ryan Meyers, Fazil Ahmad, Eric Martinez and Jennifer Gendusa.

  15. FoTi says:

    This is an awesome write up. You did a fantastic job!!!

    Even though I have been out for over 7 years, and I have been reading people’s stories on the internet practically every day, and I have already been over a lot of the information in this blog, this blog has helped me to understand some things and put things together better than I have been able to do up until now. You have explained things so well and put your points across with incredible clarity. I can see that you put a large amount of time and work into this blog. I hope a lot of people that are still involved in the cult read this and wake up to the truth.

    Thank you so much for doing this… have helped to clairfy some things for me and it’s much appreciated.

  16. Anonymous says:

    You really helped me see the out-tech. I felt it but didn’t really understand what was happening. Now I need to go back and read the latest replies. Hugs

  17. Anita Warre says:

    Hi Dave,
    I finally finished reading this. It’s amazing and wonderfully written. Thank you for this huge contribution. There is an HCOPL called “Ethics, The Design of.” In it LRH explains how SPs move up the ladder and become in charge. It is because on their way up, “nobody says NO.” We are all a party to this sad state of affairs. I stayed for 10 years after I knew things were not right. I didn’t want to lose the chance to get my OT levels. All I can say now is, “Never regret yesterday. Life is in you today. You make your tomorrow.” Thanks for being there. See you at Marty’s Party! Love, Anita

  18. davefagen says:

    Thanks Anita, and also thank you for your contribution to the information in this blog.

  19. patricia says:

    Wonderful Dave. You are a highly trained, well studied and versed Scientologist, and more importantly a loving, wise and observant soul. It amazes me that the Chicago Org didn’t shut down after you and Sindy departed. The illusion of Scientology runs deeps. My hope is the good people will wake up one day soon, in their own time and space, and realize the corruption within this organization. So glad you are doing well. You and Sindy are two of the kindest people I have met in this wild world and deserve all the best!

  20. cemz says:

    What if one wants to go up the bridge but they can not trust the C of S and or the Independents. One major outpoint of Independents is their meters cant be silver certed. Just this point alone makes it worth it to stay with the C of S.

  21. out-a-there says:

    So much of what you say is so real to me. I think if any Churchie were to ask me why I am out, I would refer them to YOUR blog and say Dave Fagen says it much better than me.

  22. So Much You Still Don't Know says:

    Dave I have been out for about as long as the tiny troll blocking the bridge has been in. My last comm with a member of the COS was when I rode the Alpine Slide with a very high ranking official in Park City. He is the only person (partially) alive who knows my story. I promised him I would keep it that way. He in turn promised me that no one would ever contact me again. That was 35 years ago.

    On April 10 of this year, the Cult of Miscavige began systematically stalking me to buy books etc. This after THIRTY FIVE YEARS OUT!!!!! Unfortunately, my clear attest under a pseudonym was not purged from the system when i was “disappeared”.

    I have returned all mail to sender and have only spoken to them 3 times despite the now, as of today 219 calls from them. Each conversation was that I wanted nothing to do with the Cult of Miscavige. One of them was basically swear words even I didn’t know I knew.

    I do NOT want to break the promise I made to that brave and honest man currently imprisoned in the hole, all my PC files were destroyed, they don’t even know my real name, BUT, if they do break me, I could do damage to people who are still imprisoned by that monster.

    There is so much Miscavige is hiding. You barely scratched the surface.

  23. davefagen says:

    Definitely, barely scratched the surface, I know.

  24. Morris Adams says:

    Is your blog still active? Do you have a different email address? The hushmail address doesn’t work right now. Do you know what happened to the Friends of LRH web-site?

  25. davefagen says:

    Something went wrong with my hushmail account. I have now changed my email address to I revised this address in the blog just now. Thanks for letting me know.

    Friends of LRH website is still up. Or if it wasn’t for a while, it is now.

  26. Ralph Hilton says:

    Well written and very sane! Just to answer about silver certing meters – LRH used to send his meters to me for repair and maintenance back in the mid 70s – he never asked me to put a silver cert on them 🙂 The “Quantum” is a squirrel meter that, from my observation, does not show F/Ns as well as the old British Mk 5.
    As far as stats go – have a look at the number of Clears produced worldwide. It hasn’t been published for years possibly because more Clears are being declared SP than are being produced!

  27. Patricia says:

    Dear Dave, I’m a Never-In, but I was part of the Moonies for 12 years 30 years ago. So I have a little bit of an idea what it’s like to live in fear, to feel like it’s always your fault for things not going right, for things not being accomplished, even though you are doing everything you can on little sleep and lots of idealism. I worshipped a different guru, but found out he had feet of clay. I’m not sure I understand your hero-worship of Mr. Hubbard, as there are so many accounts from reputable people that he was a liar and a con artist, but if you feel he led you to something valuable in the “tech” then that’s your right to believe it and use it. I myself completely threw away just about everything I used to believe in the Moonies (there is a theology) and discovered a spiritual path that made much more sense to me. Anyway, I enjoyed reading your story and am very glad you and your wife had the self-respect and guts to see the Emperor had no clothes and got the hell out of Dodge. Best wishes!

  28. busguy says:

    Dear Dave,
    Thank you so much for doing the research and putting all this together. I read your article series in Feb 2013, and started on a binge of research of 4-8 hours/day. It turned out to be one of my greatest adventures. I couldn’t believe the case gain and understanding I got from the expose info. Then I reread your series. Hope you don’t mind if I refer to it when I type out my resignation.

    I read you guy’s declare. It was the usual generalities of the SPs are all bad, have a long secret history of doing bad things, blah, blah. It was maybe a page and a half. Four charges, all pointing to public departure, and the only reason someone leaves is they did bad things. Blowing staff was not mentioned. The sentiment at Chgo Org was Sindy pulled Dave out and turned him to the dark side. I mentioned that Dave has been a great sup + always level-headed. The reply was “Dave’s had out-tech for years.” It was kind of whispered, as tho the person didn’t really believe that. That someone is a great person, and it goes to show what people can become when they drink too much Kool-aid.

    Hope you and Sindy are doing well. Best of luck to you both.

  29. MJ says:

    Thanks for sharing Dave. I read the whole thing pretty much in one sitting. It confirms what I’ve already observed. When I started noticing I hated going to events and spent a lot of time avoiding reges to get me to donate money for the latest cause (not related to auditing and training) I started to feel like an outsider. This is not the Scientology I remember when I first got in. It does take a bit of confront to see what’s actually going on, but once you do, you can no longer ignore the inconsistencies.

    Thanks for having the courage to stand up for what you observed.

  30. davefagen says:

    Hi Busguy,

    Thank you for your comment. Do I get to find out who you are?


  31. davefagen says:


    Thank you for your comment. I am interested in finding out more about what the Moonies do.

    On another point, I most definitely do not “worship” Hubbard as a “hero”. I suspect maybe you got that idea from the fact that I quoted him a lot in this blog. But if you really understand what I am saying, you can see that I give no opinions at all about him in this blog.

    My purpose in quoting him in this blog is to show the people in the church that the church doesn’t even follow its own policies, under the pretense that it does. I feel it’s a good way to expose the pretense to someone who believes in or trusts Hubbards writings.

  32. Interested Party says:

    Hey Dave, We’ve never met but we have a very high shared R. I’m utterly blown away by how well you laid it all out and how well you handled so many reasons insiders won’t look.

    I will soon be making my own departure official and I will use your site as the explanation. I had in mind writing my own story but it parallels yours so closely and you did such a bang up job that I see no need to add to it.

  33. davefagen says:

    Very happy that my efforts have helped you.

  34. Lawrence deRow says:

    Excellent work, Dave. Very well done and thank you for your courage and your work – as a Sup in past times and now here as the author of this site.

    I had been a staff member since the 70’s but left for good not too long ago. Many of the things you wrote about I had not known when I left, but I had felt that something was awfully wrong. I never had met DM, but had some dealings with some of his underlings in recent years — and the type of fear they tried to convey was startling and foreign. The absolute lack of ARC, the instant attack and “are you an SP?”-type approach was horrifying and revealing at the same time. That, put together with other outpoints, such as the omission of Exec Strata personnel, the lack of appearances by ED INT, Snr C/S Int, Heber and others gave me a clue. The insanities related to fundraising activities and the sales of the ‘Basics’ gave it the rest. Of course, I had the advantage of comparison: Full course rooms in the 70’s; the ‘thrill’ of making it in the late 70’s, the actual wins and made Grades and Clears at that time, and visibly, observable gains in real people – compared to the recent years – these comparisons speak volumes!

    It is not difficult to see the outpoints, even when one does not research the Internet for these stories. There is enough in front of one eyes to make one wonder real good – and that’s enough to make a sane decision.

    DM is the downfall of current Scientology as an organized body as such. The faster he falls, the better it will be. Scientology as such, no matter the broad public opinion, has good sides. But these good points stand to be lost in the enormous amount of out-tech, out-admin and out-ethics of today. And that would be a petty. At least, that’s my opinion.

  35. Thanks for the incredible data. I have been doing my own research for a while now as I could see the end for me coming. I have been a staff member for 23 years and like you a trained sup. I refused to be involved in all the crazy regging that went on and ofcourse I was labelled but left alone. I had my run in with that little Nazi from the landlords office. I decided to end cycle with the Church and after reading your research I feel great. I would very much like to be in comm with you so I’ll send you my e-mail.

  36. DontLookBackInAnger says:

    Sane, concise, believable blog with an overriding feel of honesty and integrity.
    I have been out 15+ years now (Class V Org ED, Class IV FPRD auditor) but even then it was apparent that higher management were more interested in CoS as a corporate income-stream than they were a body to disseminate religious technology.

  37. davefagen says:

    Thank you for your comment.

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